eisdamme: (pic#2050610)
HAPPIEST OF HAPPY BIRTHDAYS TO
MISS HERMIONE GRANGER!

[FICTIONAL BIRTHDAYS ARE THE BEST, YOU GUYS.]



eisdamme: (pic#2031089)
another pictureless fotdthinger )
eisdamme: (Default)
nightmares )
eisdamme: (// grey : yours?)
Happy Birthday Dad.

This is hard. I thought this year would be better - at least I was going to try to make it so.

You had Emely, and I guess that part of me thought you'd make it because of her? For her, maybe. I knew it wasn't going to be for me, and I was mostly okay with that. As okay as I could be, anyway. So I pictured this day a lot differently last fall. Hell, even this Spring.

I'm wearing Helen's sweater - the one I honestly liked. I didn't plan to wear it, it just happened because I didn't feel like wearing the dress I laid out last night. Maybe I'll tell her, just check in and see how she's doing. I know she loved you a lot, even if you couldn't be together the way she wanted. She was one of the only people that gave a shit about you no matter what, I think, in the end.

I did my eyemakeup the same way it was the last time I saw you. I guess it must have looked okay, because you didn't make fun of it. Who's going to make fun of my shoes and hats and makeup now that you're not here?

I'll still make your cupcakes this weekend. And I'll IM Emely today, because I know you would want me to. I feel obligated, stuck and saddled with her, even though I know, logically, that I'm not. I guess this was how you felt about me?

Maybe, maybe not.

I kind of miss you being cranky.
eisdamme: (Default)
I've wanted to start this thing forever. And by forever I mean, oh THE LAST 8 YEARS. So. Here I am : starting.

HP Fic:

The Wedding Dress PG-13 Narcissa/Blaise's mom; implied Lucius/Narcissa
Memory Is A Complicated Thing Part I NC-17 Neville/Ginny, Frank/Alice
Memory Is A Complicated Thing Part II NC-17 Neville/Ginny, Frank/Alice
It's All Politics Part I R Lily centric | Mulciber, Lily/James & unrequited Snape/Lily
It's All Politics Part II R Lily centric | Mulciber, Lily/James & unrequited Snape/Lily

BtVS/AtS Fic:

Your Pretty Face Is Going To Hell NC-17 Warren/Andrew (some Warren/Katrina and Warren/Aprilbot)


LOtR Fic:

Other Fic:
eisdamme: (Default)
 Happy Birthday
Mom.
Y


I still miss you. There are a lot of things that I wish you were around to discuss, and to see and to enjoy.

I think that you would have liked lolcats, Grey's Anatomy, and Harry Potter.

I think that you would have liked Dexter, but found it too gory. I also think that you would have liked Weeds, but found it too ...something. But you would have watched it all with me anyway. Probably. I really think you would have loved Lost, even though it would have annoyed you a little.

You would have still put up with me making up your face AS LONG AS I NEVER EVER UPLOADED IT TO THE INTERNETS, and you probably would have reluctantly conceded that my hair looks good black and that red lipstick is okay. Sometimes.

There are serious things that we could have learned about together, mostly gleaned from drama communities, and I think that we both would have made painful and awesome discoveries together. You too would have been scarred by clockspider, and maybe, like me, would never again be able to eat camembert cheese. I can't remember if you liked camembert cheese. You would possibly even have gotten a small tattoo by now, and we would have been able to know each other as people - as adults, even though I would not be the same as I am today, I think you would like me. I would have turned out to be a better person even though I would have bought you ridiculous things like this.

We would have gone to the Harry Potter themepark, and I probably would have dragged you to the Castle by now. I'm sure I'd still be going.

Most likely I would never have had to make these entries, but if I did, we would be smiling at them now.
eisdamme: (Default)
[Error: unknown template qotd]


I would rather work at a miserable job that pays a lot, most definitely. I'd be able to save more money and get out of debt, take care of a great deal of medical issues, maybe help some friends out and be more secure and less terrified. It wouldn't be forever, I could always look for something less stressful later. I figure that since I've worked miserable jobs for terrible pay, I might as well work a miserable one for good money.

...

Apr. 28th, 2010 11:28 am
eisdamme: (Default)
My Dad just died.
eisdamme: (Default)
My Dad called. He told me that he had bad news - and I honestly don't know how it could have gotten worse, but it did. Seven weeks. Seven fucking weeks, they told him. He didn't want to talk about it much, and said he knew I probably didn't either - but he wanted to tell me that I don't have to be strong, but that I was. Well, I don't feel it. And he wanted to let me know that he was okay. I told him I was okay too - but I'm not.

It's a countdown now - every week wondering if this is it - I'm so numb from this shit, this fucking poison thought-shit of death that's crept all over my field of vision since 1995: well, now I'm just blind with it. How the fuck is he supposed to be okay with this? He just got married. How the fuck do I even do this again? How long until I die of the same shit that has now claimed both my parents?

Fuck this. Fuck cancer. Fuck caring about anyone. Fuck trying. It just hurts too much, and it's all transitory - a tragedy waiting to happen. I don't want it anymore.
eisdamme: (Default)
I just typebabbled this onto notepad. It probably reads like crap, but that's okay. I'm not trying to tell an epic story, just get it out on my lunchbreak before I forget it in all it's WTFBRAIN glory.


Part I: )
eisdamme: (Default)

Best. Birthday. Ever.

Well, at least in the last ten years.

eisdamme: (// anne silly : yours?)
Happy Belated Birthday, Mom.

I miss you.
eisdamme: (// whimper : crackshot)
Best gift ever.

l

FYI

Feb. 3rd, 2008 08:41 pm
eisdamme: (Default)
eisdamme: (Default)


I that we're gaming again.

I love the prospect of ritual, even if it's for a slightly depressing reason [profile] eapwildechilde  I am emailing you about this today, and [profile] xandraius  I'm ready to answer whatever questions you have, regardless of how painful they might be.  

Not to mention the fact that LEPRECHAUNS cleaned my kitchen yesterday. 

Okay, well, not really leprechauns, but it's pretty damn amazing when you have friends who have keys to your place that come over to hang out in your living room, and end up doing your dishes and mopping your kitchen floor. 

All because your roommate and you made them a slightly wrong lemon cake. 

I'm just sayin'. 

Collin, ILU, man.  

I love that I've reconnected with old friends (and some extended family!) that I've missed so much, even if I can't figure out how to keep up with them in a timely manner. I love the fact I even have friends. In a way, I'd forgotten that I had any friends at all. 

I love all of you so much. 

I don't care that this is a sappy, public entry. Fuck it. :) 
eisdamme: (// fictional boys : yours?)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY Collin. There is a lemon cake being made. With lemon curd and homemade lemon zest and homemade candied lemon slices with lemon glaze and lemon buttercream frosting from scratch. It is YELLOW and LEMONY and a pain in the ass to make made of YUM and WIN. zOMG The LEMONZ.

Pictures and possible cookies forthcoming.
eisdamme: (voldie dolce : yours?)
OMG. I finished Deathly Hallows last night/this morning just before 1 am. I'm going to re-read some parts of it later this morning.

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ξιs∂αmmε

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